Adrian's 37th

I’ve been thinking about you a lot, lately.

Your birthday is today.  You’d have been 37.  It’s been almost 6 years since you left us.

Ethan doesn't remember you.  He’ll be 11 in November.  He’s started taking karate and he’s going to play basketball this year.  He’s tall and sensitive and oh so sarcastic.  He has great big blue eyes and long eyelashes, just like you.  I wish you were here to talk with him and show him how to do roundhouse kicks.

Ian never got a chance to know you.  He plays with your Legos all the time.  He’s an inquisitive chatterbox who loves life.  I wish you were here to listen to him ramble for hours about dead naked zombies, biomes, 3D art modeling, and how to be a better ninja. He’s 7, he needs an uncle to remind him that big brothers might be mean, but they will always stand by you in a crisis.

You’re missing all of this.  You’ve missed so much.  The rest of us have missed you and missed watching your journey through life.  We were cheated out of the laughter and struggles.  YOU cheated us.

I’m still angry.

I’m still guilty

I’m still sad

I still miss you

I will always love you.

Change of Life -- Part I

On Tuesday morning, June 25, 2013, I had a total abdominal hysterectomy with simultaneous removal of both ovaries. This meant the end of any chance of having more children and the sudden onset of menopause. I am 38 years old.

I have lived with endometriosis and the associated pain since I was in the 8th grade.  During high school and college I was constantly diagnosed with "ovulatory pain" and "menstrual irregularities".  It wasn't until June of 2001 that I was first diagnosed correctly.  I'd been rushed to the ER with suspected appendicitis, only to have the doctors find a large ovarian cyst that was causing decreased blood flow.  The laparoscopic procedure to remove the cyst ended up taking 3 hours because of the amount of endometriosis coating all of my internal organs.

Endometriosis ( endo, for short) is a disease where the endometrium, the blood-rich lining of the uterus that grows and sheds monthly during a woman's fertile years, grows outside the uterus.  These growths shed and bleed just like the normal growth inside the uterus, causing pain, anemia, and scarring.  Endo growths and adhesions--where scar tissue has caused organs and muscles to stick together-- are most common around the exterior uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries.  However, endo has (in other women) also been found on the colon, small bowel, bladder, ureters, appendix, stomach and even, though very rarely, on the heart and lungs.  During my 2001 surgery the doctor found endo on my appendix ( which he removed but then failed to tell me about!), bladder, bowel, ovaries and uterus.

Following my 2001 surgery I was placed on Lupron for 6 months.  This drug sends the body into temporary menopause, effectively halting the growth of all endometrial tissue.  After stopping Lupron it took me only 4 months to conceive Ethan.  He was born in November 2002.  I had an early miscarriage in 2005 and then conceived Ian, who was born in May 2006.

In 2007 the endometriosis, and the resulting pain, made a horrible come-back. Posts regarding this time period are here and here. After that surgery I tried birth control pills.  That only lasted 2 months before the daily migraines left me too miserable to consider taking those damn pills. (I might still have bitterness issues.)

Since 2007 I have dealt with the worsening pain by trying different pain killers--found out I was allergic to, or severely reactive to, 95% of them-- and the "if I ignore it, it will go away" school of medicine.  I saw a doctor in Colorado in the spring of 2011 who found a small cyst on my left ovary and recommended I meet with a surgeon to discuss a hysterectomy.  The surgeon was, well, a bitch, and life got really busy soon after that, so I never bothered following through.

Read on for Part Two

Change of Life -- Part II

June 2013

I've been in pain almost non-stop for the past three months.  Sometimes the pain was so bad I wanted to curl up and cry and sometimes it was a dull background annoyance that left me irritable.  My periods were incredibly heavy, leaving me weak and anemic.  The first two weeks of June, the sharp knifing pains in my left side didn't go away.  They got worse.  I was also bloated, miserable, and felt like I had a constant low-grade UTI.  I finally scheduled a doctor's appointment.

The very nice nurse practitioner listened to my history, did a quick exam and then did a pelvic ultrasound.  By then end of the appointment I was in tears from the pain and could barely walk.  She found a mass on my left ovary.  She explained it was most likely an ovarian cyst and that I shouldn't be worried about "what else it might be", but of course I worried.  We discussed all the treatment options.  She scheduled another, more complete, ultrasound and a surgical consult.

The second ultrasound found that the cyst was an endometrial growth that appeared to be growing into my ovary and essential splitting it in half. With every monthly cycle, the cyst would rupture and bleed, cause more scar tissue, and further split the ovary.

I started reading every reputable, and a few idiotic, sources I could find regarding endometriosis, hysterectomy, hormone replacement therapy and surgical success rates.  I also spent a lot of time talking to Mark and crying myself to sleep.  By the time of my consult appointment on the 17th, I was ready with a list of questions and concerns.

My surgeon listened to every question, discussed things in depth, and presented me with several options. Because estrogen is produced by the ovaries and it is estrogen that makes the endometriosis grow, we agreed that removal of both ovaries and complete removal of all endo adhesions and growths would be the only way to treat me.  Many surgeons and patient advocate groups argue against the removal of ovaries in women under 45 because of the stress that prolonged hormone replacement therapy and/or hormone deficiency has on the body.  Heart disease and osteoporosis risks increase dramatically the earlier a woman goes into menopause. However, my left ovary HAD to be removed ASAP and there was no reason to leave the right ovary if it would continue to produce, and be plagued by, endo.

Because of the need to clean endo from surrounding organs, because both ovaries would be removed, and because there was a chance that repairs to my bladder or bowel would be needed, the surgeon decided to do a lateral abdominal incision.  This is the old, "big cut", surgery.  Recovery takes 4-6 weeks and this surgery requires a 3-4 day hospital stay.  However, we both agreed that this was the best approach.

Tuesday June 25th I checked into the hospital at 5am, kissed my boys and husband, and met the surgical staff.  Surgery took just over two hours and went remarkably well.  The surgeon found exactly what we expected on the left ovary, but no damage or growths on non-reproductive organs.  He did, though find that my uterus had developed a condition called adenomyosis.

I was in the hospital until Friday June 28th.  Ironically enough, post-op hysterectomy patients are housed on the same ward as the new moms & babies.  That made for some interesting reflections on life, but my nurses were very adept at dealing with gynecological issues and surgeries.

As of this post, I am 1 week and 1 day post-op.  I have been weaning myself off the stronger pain medicines.  I'm struggling with fatigue and tenderness in my lower abdomen.  I'm very weak.  Most obnoxious has been the recovery period for my bowels and bladder.  Dealing with such bathroom issues with a six inch incision across your belly IS NOT FUN.  Most of my abdominal muscles were cut  and then sutured.  The rest of the muscles seem to be angry at me and on-strike.

My mom is here to help with the boys and my husband has been picking up all of the housekeeping, grocery- shopping, meal-cooking, boy-disciplining, slack. I've had a handful of hot flashes in the past week, but otherwise no noticeable hormonal issues as yet.

The second day I was home my youngest son, Ian, gave me a young.  He said, "Your belly is hard and I keep thinking there's a baby in there."  I tried not to cry and said "There's no baby honey.  No more babies for mommy."  Honestly, losing that, admittedly tiny, chance that I might have another child is my biggest regret. I will not regret having the surgery, though. Twenty four years of pain and damage to my organs was enough.

I have my first post-op appointment on the July 5th.

Colorado boy

So, Ian comes home with a worksheet for the letter D. He plops down with his crayons and says:
"Da da da dog.. dog starts with D"
"Da da da door... door starts with D"
"fe fe feather.. that is not D"
"Da da da doll.. doll starts with D"
and so on.
Then I hear:
"Eh eh elk. That is not a D!"

Me: "Honey, I think that is supposed to be a deer."

"Oh!"

Spiral Review 5-1

Ethan's homework for this week (Tuesday-Thursday evenings: 3 workpages + 1 hour of reading for each night) includes the following math problems:


Joylin is subtracting 97-43. She adds 4+23 before subtracting. What will she need to do?

a. Subtract 4 from the difference

b. Add 4 to the difference

c. Just find the difference

d. Subtract 2 from the difference


Ok....

WHY would she add 4+23? How is the number 27 going to help with this problem? What am I missing? I had Ethan chose answer c.

By Googling the problem I found sample worksheets with this problem and the exact same answers, only it says "She adds 4+43 before subtracting". Ok, now THAT would make sense. Typos happen - I get it. But how are 8 and 9 year olds supposed to understand a problem like that? At this age they still think adults are basically infalible. The idea of a typo on homework quite litterally flabergasts them.


Next question on the page is:

"Which property of addition is shown here: 0+7=7"

Honest question: Does it make me an idiot that I had to Google this? Ethan had no idea, so obviously the "review" wasn't working for him anyway. Why are they learning math theory in the 3rd grade? Is it more important for life-time sucess in mathmatics and applied mathmatics for 3rd graders to learn the names of all the addition and subtraction theories, or to memorize their basic addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division facts?


Speaking of multiplication facts, Ethan was supposed to have learned the 1, 2, 5, and 10 multiplication tables in the 2nd grade. He didn't, so we are already playing catch-up. Despite not being featured on any of his homework for the school year, he is supposedly learning his 3x facts in class. So why did we have the following problem on the "review":


What is the missing number in the table below?

Coaches ________________ Players

5 _____________________ 40

7 _____________________ 56

9 _____________________

12 ____________________ 96


Now for those of us who have learned our 8x facts, the answer is easily determined to be 72. However, THESE FACTS HAVE NOT YET BEEN COVERED IN CLASS. This was a REVIEW sheet, not a "challenge question".


Ethan tried subtracting 40-5 and then seeing if that answer equaled 56-7. I thought that was a good try, but obviously subtraction wasn't going to help him find commonality between those sets of numbers. He didn't like my suggesting of subtracting 56-40 and seeing what he got because "That only works for that side, it doesn't work for the other side. How do they match up?" He knew, on some instinctual level, that there was a relationship between the columns of numbers, but he didn't have the basic arithmetic skills to find the answer.


You know what happened then? He got so frustrated about "not knowing this stuff because we never talk about it" that he had a melt-down and had to take a break from homework.


"Spiral reviews" are the handmaidens of the "spiral process" of mathmatics education. Simply put, rather than memorizing facts through constant repetition until a concept is mastered, and then progressing to the next concept, students climb a winding staircase from concept to concept. If the student doesn't master the lesson on the first try, it is ok, because the next "spiral" through the material will catch them - hopefully.


For example: instead of doing pages upon pages of subtraction problems until the numbers are drilled into their sub concious, the child learns basic subtraction, number placement, how to do subtraction with number placement and place holders, subtraction theory, word problem strategies, how to "flip" a subtraction problem into an addition problem, estimating answers, and greater than/less than ALL IN a one or two week course! Still cannot remember what 14-9 is? That's ok, we'll catch it when we spiral through addition, number placement, word problems, subtraction to find addition, estimation, geometry and statistics during our NEXT spiral. Maybe. If you're lucky.

I fear for the future of the republic with education strategies like this. More pressing: I fear for my sanity while I struggle to properly educate these boys.

The Homework Insanity

I think the best way to make clear the amount of homework Ethan has Monday-Thursday is to just show you. This week’s work load is typical of what we’ve had since school started. Please note that he has 3 digit number subtraction as well as basic geometry problems – and his weekly newsletter says he’s supposed to be learning his 3x multiplication tables. Nice cohesive math program, huh?

Add to this the 20-30 minutes of reading each night he is supposed to be doing for class AND his 30 minutes of “Reading Helpers” work per night.

(click on any of the images to see a full sized copy)

School Haze

School started here on August 27^th and I’m fairly certain that was just yesterday, but it might just as well have been a century. We got into a school with good test scores and class sizes, despite registering just 2.5 weeks before the start of the term. Ethan was assigned the most sought after teacher in the school and I made a friend with the mother of a boy in Ethan’s class. I should have known it was going too well.

The morning that school started we were informed that Ethan had been transferred to another teacher’s class. This was disappointing since Ethan had already met the other teacher and was very excited about knowing a child in his class. He settled into his new seat, though, and seemed to be ok with the change. Ian was literally bouncing while waiting in-line to enter his classroom. Several other kindergartners were crying and clinging to their parents, but not the Sniggett. He couldn’t wait.

Except for a small hang-up with California not accepting the Colorado IEP (Individual Education Plan) designation that Ian was given, the academic portion of Ian’s school life has been going very well. He’s been through all of the re-testing for his IEP and is continuing to receive speech therapy, literary cognitive support services (at this point that means one-on-one reading time), and occupational therapy. His teacher declares herself to be “in love” with Ian and praises his friendly, receptive attitude. Until last week she was always shocked when I laughed and told her she wasn’t getting the “treat of the full-blown “Ian Temper”.

Unfortunately, now, she has seen that he DOES have a temper. There was a boy constantly picking on Ian, and other children, during recess. The other children were running away, crying, or running to tell the teacher. Ian, however, decided he’d had enough. He turned around, clenched his little fist as hard as he could, and socked the other little boy right in the temple. I know, this is NOT the anti-bullying behavior we want to teach, but there’s still that part of me that wants to fist bump him and say “Way to stand up for yourself, son.” Sadly, Ian fighting back didn’t stop the behavior and the other child retaliated this past week. Now we have to do some serious mediation before recess turns into an all-out brawl.

Ethan is having real trouble making friends and adapting to the new school’s academic standards. Some of this we expected, since Colorado and California have different expectations for third graders and California has some… interesting… teaching methods. More on that later. What we didn’t expect was to have a teacher who flat out told me “I cannot stand it when kids fidget” and all but accused Ethan of lying when he came home upset the second week of school. There was a problem in math class that Ethan didn’t understand. Ethan, who is admittedly over-sensitive to adults’ feelings towards him, was convinced the teacher was mad at him because he didn’t know how to do division. His teacher was more concerned with convincing me that she did not “yell” at him than she was clearing up his confusion about what was expected of him. She first tried to tell me that Ethan misunderstood her and they were discussing “envision math”. But, then, I had Ethan write on the blackboard the problem he couldn’t do and he wrote 4 */* 1 = (You’ll have to translate the */* symbol into the traditional division symbol, my computer won’t let me do that one!) I said “That IS division!”. The teacher responded “Well yes, but it was just an example”.

/facepalm

I had a meeting on Tuesday the 27^th with Ethan’s teacher, the principal, the school psychologist, the speech pathologist and the occupational therapist. We enrolled Ethan in the “friendship club” to help him make new friends and learn social skills. He will get additional reading comprehension and phonetic awareness classes twice a week. I informed the principal and the OT that Ethan HAS to do some type of “fidget behavior” in order to help him process sensory feedback and to improve his focus. We outlined a few steps we can take and I made it clear that the teacher telling him to sit on his hands was NOT acceptable. We’ll see how he does.

I’ve also started a home-school math, grammar and literacy program for both boys, to ensure that they are receiving the kind of instruction they need.

Montana

After leaving the canyon area on the east side of the park, we drove west until we hit the Montana border. The scenery was spectacular:

Traffic was a nightmare, though!


This little one was smart enough to stay out of the road.


His older relatives decided it was their road and they'd cross it when they pleased. Really, it's hard to argue with something that big.



Twice during this part of the drive we stopped on the side of the road because crowds had gathered reporting a bear sighting. Sadly, we didn't see any bears. Not, that is, until we were driving back to the hotel. At dusk in Grand Tetons park we rounded a bend in the road shaded by pines and this little fellow was loping along:

This is a juvenile black bear. Notice that we were intelligent tourists and did not get out of the car to see the bear that was was five, or fewer, feet away.

After taking this shot I looked up and realized just HOW close the bear was outside my car window. He was skittish and as soon as an RV pulled up, the bear ran off into the trees.

Now having been to Estes Park countless times since we moved to Colorado, we're sort of jaded when it comes to elk and we saw a lot of elk on our trip to Yellowstone. These guys were so pretty, though, we had to stop to take a few shots.