How to Survive “Crying it Out”

Step One: Declare that it is pure spite that makes the Sniggett scream, fight, kick, yell and generally work himself into a lather, for an hour before bed.

Step Two: Overcome latent guilt issues by assuring your self that you’ll only let him cry as long as the husband says its ok.

Step Three: Kiss Sniggett good night, turn on his music, snuggle him under the blanket, walk out

Step Four: Turn on MP3’s to highest volume possible while wearing headphones. This is to avoid caving into maternal guilt explosion and to block out the screams of rage/terror/”I’m going to bash my head in if you don’t come pick me up”. Nickelback’s “Savin’ Me” seems appropriate.

Step Five: Listen to “The Last Word” and realize the baby has effectively screamed for 45 minutes.

Step Six: Give in. Spineless whelp.

This child will be nursing and being rocked to sleep when he’s in kindergarten.